covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize