hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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