I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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