its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize