Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize