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I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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