So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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