is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Randomize
