If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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