Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
