i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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