Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I wish you could order shots online.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I need water and some morals
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
