Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You were trust falling into bushes
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
