Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
