Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Randomize
