3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
We don't watch enough power rangers
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
