They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Randomize
