So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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