You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
