That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
