So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Randomize
