Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize