he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
