I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Houston, we have a squirter
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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