Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
