guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
