I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
