I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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