Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
