How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
