Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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