We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
