I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
