Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You don't make any sense
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