Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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