Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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