Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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