So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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