fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
