are you still at the devil's house?
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
did i just pee glitter
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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