just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
