The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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