You just made me feel so damn special
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize