have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
