either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
