ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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