The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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