john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
