i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
