How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
