But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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