We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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