what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
