Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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