Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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