i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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