she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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