i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
