I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
