Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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