So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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