Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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