just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
