they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize