Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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