I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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