She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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